The 404

"I just got back from Atlanta ... that town is WHACKED." - Todd Packer

I'm a third of the way through my marathon of traveling. This past weekend I was in Atlanta working at the America's Mart during the busiest gift show of the year. It was a really tiring experience full of old ladies buying tons of crap for their stores, speaking in very thick Southern accents and wearing Tammy Faye Baker-esque amounts of mascara.

Before I traveled I had asked a few Southerners I know where I should go or what I should do after work wrapped up every day around 6:30 pm. Thursday I was so exhausted, this is what I did:

I was staying at the Ritz-Carlton, which was a really strange experience. The only other time I had been in that hotel was when I was younger and had to pee really bad. I still remember how weird I thought it was that they had cloth towels in the bathroom instead of paper. While I was checking in with the concierge they asked me if I needed help with my bag up to my room, I said "no thank you." As I went to grab for my bag, a man had already come over to grab it. I said, "oh, thank you, sir, but I've got it." He said, "Miss, I'm just turning it around for you." I'm not cut out for this, despite being fancy with my penthouse parties.

Friday, I made it out to the Georgia Aquarium, which was really impressive. It only took about an hour to walk through, and they had a jazz band playing there, too. I touched a shark and a sting ray, and the tanks were full of all sorts of fish, and even followed along the ceiling:


Saturday I got supper at Ted Turner's restaurant with someone from another publishing house, and I tried bison for the first time. We sat right next to the kitchen and a hot onion ring fell on my thigh; the waitstaff quickly apologized and then put the onion ring right back into the serving tray for someone to enjoy. Later on Saturday night, I did something I'd never done before: went to a bar by myself. Now that I'm a "business executive" I wanted to try it out, and it was pretty boring. I did watch an elderly couple cut a rug on the dance floor and the very flamboyant bartender gave me some "cheese nubblies - they're good for you!"

After working a few hours on Sunday, I went to the airport to get an earlier flight. I got one, thank goodness, but then the heaven's opened up and a big thunderstorm hit. My flight got delayed to the original time I had booked. Charlie Brown. Today I'm so tired and I look it. I went into work late and my boss said, "WOW, you look exhausted." I worked a total of an hour and then went out to sushi with a buddy of mine.

Overall it was a good trip. I met some fun people, slept in an amazing bed, stole tons of toiletries and even met a cab driver whose family lives on a street very close to my childhood home outside Los Angeles.

Tomorrow it's off to Chicago for a day, and then to Los Angeles for the rest of the week and weekend. Los Angeles should be interesting given the state of the family right now.

I'm fancy

I attended a Fourth of July party at a penthouse overlooking Madison Square Park and next weekend I will be lodging at the Ritz-Carlton in Buckhead, GA - an upscale neighborhood outside Atlanta.

Before any jealousy sets in; I'll need to recap what happened at this party. I was invited because a good friend of mine from work is dating one of the tenants of said penthouse. I've met him before and they couldn't be a cuter couple. The apartment is at 22nd and Broadway and overlooks my favorite: Madison Square Park. From the terrace you can see the Empire State Building and the Chrysler Building.

I brought my friends STEVIE and Gabriel with me so they could experience such a fancy night, and so I would have witnesses to back up my bragging. When I walked into the apartment, I expected to be greeted by Mr. Belvedere and large quantities of imported beers and brie cheese. Instead, there were half a dozen cases of Miller Light, tons of "bros" and a very nice dining room table covered with lawn trash bags and a beer pong set-up. Everyone at the party was extremely nice, but so not what I expected.

Time passed and Gabriel showed up with a lovely bottle of white wine. I was walking him into the kitchen to get it chilled in the custom Sub Zero refridgerator when one of the bros stopped us. "DUDE, let's get that crack-a-lackin' right away; set up on the table!" ... meaning in the cups for "chardonnay pong".

We gathered out on the terrace soaking in the view, huddled under an umbrella and waited for the fireworks to start. From up there we could see both the Hudson and East Rivers so we were primed for a great view. Unfortunately, a new building was being constructed to the right of our view towards the East River, so we only saw about a third of the show. But, the sky lit up in some VERY patriotic colors.

After some time outside, the three of us went in to sit on the couch and drink the chilled white and people watch. This one guy in the kitchen totally reminded me of that dude from Napoleon Dynamite and I said, "That guy is a D bag." and Stevie, being the hilarious girl that she is, said "Which ONE?" Good summation, buddy.

I'd have to say the only low-light of the evening was when after we left; I went back up the 30 some-odd floors to get my umbrella I had forgotten to discover that someone stole it. Umbrellas are replaceable, but it was my souvenir Life Magazine umbrella from when I used to work for them. When it opens up it says, "Is it Friday yet?" I learned two things: crime is everywhere and I'll never have an umbrella with as good a sense of humor as that one again.

Either way, I don't think I'll have another opportunity to have that view and touch what it's like to live like that ... until I'm ordering around people at the Ritz next week. And, just so you know, I'm still keeping it "real". Here is what my Saturday night consisted of: Wearing socks I bought at Kmart, pants I bought at Wal-Mart, drinking some Cherry Coke Zero and watching Sigur Ros' "Heima."

Glamour needs the night off sometimes.