tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43504880753470224522024-03-04T20:18:15.767-08:00I have to return some videotapes.literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.comBlogger181125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-30300106063738365222011-02-03T08:45:00.000-08:002011-02-03T09:12:28.859-08:00Please Cut It Out, 2011My father passed away last week. I was flying home from my business trip, and when I got home my mom gave me the news. Anytime your mom calls you at 11:45 pm, you know it’s not going to be good.<br />We’d been preparing as a family for the inevitable, but no amount of preparing does you any good when you actually hear it. I’m still trying to make sense of it all, but I just hope my family can make peace with his death and the cause of it.<br />My mom, sister and brother all flew to Boston so we could at least gather and give each other a hug in person. In a way, the repairing that happened over Christmas prepared us a little more for this, but it also sort of felt like another family gathering he <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">wasn</span>’t present at.<br />I’m not sure if the gravity of his death will really be felt until we gather once again this summer to scatter his ashes. It’s been a really rough week, but I’m very grateful to have such amazing friends checking on me every day. My apartment is filled with flowers right now, and also an amazing, chocolate-filled gift basket from <a href="http://www.zabars.com/"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Zabar's</span></a>. I’m so lucky to have a wonderful family and amazing friends to take care of me when I need it.<br />I really need to have a heart-to-heart with 2011, because it <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">wasn</span>’t listening to me very well when I asked it to please be kind. 2011 is kind of a dick, and while we have a lot of work to do to make it better, it’s getting easier day by day.literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-30739138796882988292011-01-19T15:12:00.000-08:002011-01-19T15:39:01.114-08:00The One About the One-Legged ProstituteFor the next week, I'm going to be doing some traveling for work. I'm in Los Angeles now and then early Saturday morning I'm headed to Chicago. Because the weather has been so frigid in Boston lately (Nine degrees on Monday!), I decided to stay at the beach during my time here.<br />Now, I know Venice Beach has its "reputation" as being a place for the down and out or characters, as they're sometimes called, but throwing caution to the wind and trusting the pictures I saw online, I booked a room, eagerly anticipating the sound of waves and the salty air.<br />Typically when I travel, I like to book at mom-and-pop hotels because you're supporting a local business and there's usually a little more attention paid to the customer. I may never do that again after what happened today.<br />I park my rental car, and start walking to the hotel, I notice a few of the Venice characters roaming about: the woman wearing rollerblades laying in the middle of the street (sidenote: dead? maybe?), the man with the biggest dreadlocks I've ever seen in my whole life, the young couple sitting in a shopping cart together, etc. Then, I round the corner and see my hotel.<br />Outside, there are more characters, including a woman on crutches with one leg, wearing a see-through shirt, and her friend, who looks very possessive of her, ifyouknowwhatImean. I keep my head down and walk into the lobby, which is in shambles. Continuing with my "benefit of the doubt" attitude, I start the check-in process. The young lady and the gentleman come inside and push the elevator button, and the woman behind the desk says they're not allowed to enter the building anymore.<br />She says, "You are not guests here; you need to leave. There's been reports of thefts. We know what you're doing up there."<br />The woman is very obviously intoxicated (and, uh, also missing a leg), and tries to grab the counter and misses. She falls backwards and SLAMS her head into the wall. I'm standing there speechless, with my eyes bulging and my hand over my mouth in horror.<br />The guy helps her up and tries to move her to the lobby couch, and the woman behind the desk says, "You still need to leave. Get out of here."<br />Now, THIS is the point where most people would leave. I chose to view it as an isolated incident, and said, "Room 310, you say? And, how do I get wireless Internet again?"<br />I go up to my room, and it's disgusting. It's incredibly hot with no air conditioner (usually not a problem at the beach, but I LOVE sleeping in a cold hotel room), the toiletries had been used and my pillow case had black scuff marks all over it.<br />On the verge of tears, I sit on the bed searching online for a new hotel and feel so bad for having to go downstairs and tell the woman at the front desk that I'm unhappy. I really hate complaining, but I think a one-legged prostitutes, dirty sheets and used soap are legitimate reasons to now be typing this from a cushy Sheraton that serves Starbucks coffee in the rooms.literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-2561104077108155872010-12-30T08:16:00.000-08:002010-12-30T08:26:09.338-08:002010: A Year in ReviewI was emailing with my friend <a href="http://www.abasketofhugs.com/">Lillie</a> the other day about how our holidays went, and I told her that I couldn’t believe how far we have both come and how much has happened to us in the last year. In January, when I was still living in NY, we went to Borders together after going to the gym. Waiting in a massive line to buy our discounted calendars, we were talking about how Christmas 2009 went (horrible) and how our families were (in shambles). Almost a year later, with lots of ups and downs for both of us, we’re in pretty good places in our lives. I’ll let her handle her end of things, but here is a little review of 2010 for me, in no particular order:<br /><br />1. I trained for two half marathons, and ran one. The reason I signed up for the races is because I really hate running – at least I thought I did. It turns out, that once I’m past four miles; I enjoy it. The fact that I have to get to four to feel that way is sort of terrible though. Anyway, I ran the race and completed all my goals: don’t die, finish in under three hours and don’t have to pee in the woods. 2010: The Year of “I’ll Take the Physical Challenge”.<br />2. I went to Costa Rica with two of my best friends. We explored the rain forest, stayed at a luxury resort, met the dumbest nature guide in the world, got drunk before 9 am and laughed a ton. 2010: The Year of Exploration.<br />3. I moved from New York City to Boston. I never really wanted to move to New York in the first place, but moved for love. That didn’t work out, but I fell in love with a lot of amazing people there. I miss my New York friends SO much it hurts, but we’re fortunate to be pretty close to each other. Luckily, I’ve been able to have 1-2 visitors a month since moving up here. I know I made the right decision to move, and I’ve been so lucky to have made a lot of new friends and also reconnect with old friends. 2010: The Year of Changed Addresses.<br />4. I’ve come to terms with how I look. Like most people, I grew up with a mom who was very critical of her looks in front of me. This developed a lot of unhealthy habits when I was younger, but now when I look in the mirror I don’t see a horror show. I see someone who is actually kind of cute, and sometimes pretty. I’m also more confident about my body, too. Of course I can always find the parts that should be thinner and all that noise, but I’m OK with how I look … finally. I’m trying not to get wrapped up in being annoyed at myself for all that time wasted thinking I was a big, fat mess and just focus on the positive: my traffic jam booty and my <a href="http://literating.blogspot.com/2010/12/and-by-cupcakes-i-mean.html">cupcakes</a>. 2010: The Year of Vanity.<br />5. I put myself “out there” as far as dating goes. This year I’ve gone on more dates than ever. While nothing has really panned out, I’m proud of myself for at least trying. I’ve been (mostly) single for the last three years, but I’ve met a lot of different types of guys – some crazy and others crazier. 2010: The Year of Dating.<br />6. I had a fling with a hot “teen” model/stand-up comedian. He was really 24, but same difference, and he thought I was gorgeous and hilarious. 2010: The Year of Holy Crap, You’re So Hot, Wait, Those Are Considered Washboard Abs, Right, and You Want to Make Out with Me?!<br />7. I was a vegan for three hours. 2010: The Year of Bacon.<br />8. I’ve already detailed out stuff about my dad on here, so let’s move on, but it’s been a long year for me emotionally. I’m not the best at talking about my feelings; I’m better at listening to other people’s problems. This year I’ve gotten much, much better at talking about things of substance. In fact, I talked for about 10 minutes straight about my feelings a few months ago. It was incredible. 2010: The Year of Feelings About Feelings.<br />9. I went camping with some of my best friends in Boston. We slept in tents, on the ground, in 40 degree weather. We ate so many meals that we had to come up with new names for them (Breakfast, B’Breakfast, Brunch, B’Brunch and “Uhhhhh”). We wrapped everything in bacon and put it in an iron skillet and then put it in our mouths. 2010: The Year of (More) Bacon.<br /><br />A lot more happened, but that’s the highlight reel. I’m not really sure what’s on deck for 2011, but I’m looking forward to it and hopefully not putting too much pressure on it to perform. I do at least know one song that will be on next year’s soundtrack. This is the anthem, put your damn hands up:<br /><br /><iframe class="youtube-player" title="YouTube video player" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/TTPqPZzH-LA" frameborder="0" width="480" height="390" type="text/html"></iframe>literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-73145222881550855792010-12-28T08:06:00.000-08:002010-12-28T08:42:29.963-08:00Had Myself A Merry Little ChristmasWords have yet to be invented to accurately describe how terrible Christmas was last year, and this year has kindly steamrolled that further away from my memory. I had SUCH a pleasant holiday.<br />I flew down to my brother's house in Texas last Tuesday, and we hung out in Houston to wait for my sister's flight to get in a few hours later. I was nervous to see her because over the last few years we have not gotten along at all. It's frustrating to look at someone who has the same face and voice as me, yet couldn't be more different.<br />She recently started working her first job, and I think it's starting to change her for the better. We did not fight once over the break, and actually enjoyed each other's company.<br />As a family, we went to the movies twice (it's $4 to see a movie in Texas - amazing!) and saw Black Swan and True Grit - both highly recommended. During True Grit, a man was sitting in front of me chewing and spitting tobacco. How very Wild West of him!<br />We also went wine tasting and glow-in-the-dark mini putting where I got THREE holes in one! Speaking of "That's What She Said", I taught my mom what that means over the break, too. When we were waiting for True Grit to start she noticed that my wallet was sticking out of my purse and asked, "Do you want me to help you put it in?" I started laughing, and asked my brother if it was OK if I said TWSS to my mom. I explained to her what it meant, and she tried to start using it, but she's still learning. Even during Christmas Eve dinner, she pointed at the roast beef and said to my sister, "Go ahead and lay some of that beef on here." My brother and I started laughing hysterically, but she's still a little slow with it. It'll be nice to chart her perverse progress.<br />We do all our celebrating on Christmas Eve, so Christmas Day we just hung out and I cooked our big dinner. I made a southern meal with a delicious turkey, mashed sweet potatoes, collared greens, cornbread stuffing and, for good luck in 2011, some black-eyed peas. It was delicious! Later, I made my own turkey stock for the first time, and it turned out pretty well, too.<br />On a serious note: there was obviously a hole in the family with my dad not being there, but he's chosen to pull away. We haven't really talked in a year, and I obviously want him to start a new life for himself, but it's out of our hands.<br />There's no easy way to transition out of that seriousness, except for three words: Indoor Gun Range.<br />Texas is a really interesting place. I can't think of another state that has as much pride and guns as they do. There is an indoor shooting range next to their Starbucks, in case you need to blow off some steam after getting overly-caffeinated. Also, the whole town shut down on Christmas. My brother and I drove around that morning just looking at how deserted it was. Everything was closed, except liquor stores and churches, of course.<br />I came back on Sunday evening, surprisingly. The East Coast was slammed by a blizzard, and my flight was the last one being let into Logan Airport. The landing was the scariest I've ever experienced, but the cab ride home was worse. I gave the driver a $10 tip for not killing me.<br />Thankfully, yesterday my office was closed, too. I got a bonus vacation day and hung out with some friends in my neighborhood.<br />Anyway, I hope everyone had a lovely, stress-free holiday. It's been an interesting year for me, to say the least, and 2011 has a LOT of pressure on it to perform. Let's just hope those 5 black-eyed peas I managed to eat do the trick.literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-78488071479034709012010-12-24T10:30:00.000-08:002010-12-24T10:51:21.004-08:00And By Cupcakes, I mean ...As I mentioned below, my friends and I have a few different "catch phrases" we like to use on a regular basis to talk about feelings. My favorite is "And by cupcakes, I mean ..."<br />This summer I went to a Patriots Game with a friend of mine. We spent all afternoon tailgating and hanging out with her brother and his friends in the parking lot, waiting for her cousin to get there. Her brother's friends were terrible. (People are terrible.) One of them even made a bet for $50 with my friend that he could sleep with me within two months time. Classy. Spoiler alert: I did not sleep with him. I wasn't expecting much from her cousin when he finally arrived, but he was really pleasant, into beer, funny and a ginger. I love a ginger.<br />At the end of the night, we exchanged phone numbers and planned to hang out soon. We started <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">texting</span> a lot, sometimes for a few hours. I actually really don't like having text or phone relationships. I'd rather spend time in person, but the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">texting</span> continued. He decided he was going to come to my birthday party and I said, "Great! There will be cupcakes there!" He took that and ran with it. He mentioned cupcakes every time we <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">texted</span>, through thinly-veiled innuendo.<br />One night, after drinking for a few hours (IMPORTANT DETAIL), my friends and I ended up out in <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Allston</span> - where the dirty hipsters live in Boston. He also lives out there. So, my friends and I ate our second dinner of the night (I actually had to look at the menu online the next day to remember what I ate. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Oof</span>.) and I started <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">texting</span> him. Once again, he brought up the cupcakes. "Will there be cupcakes? :)"<br />At this point, I was so sick of the back and forth <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">flirtiness</span>, I responded with, "Yes, there will be. And by cupcakes, I mean boobs."<br />Surprisingly, I never heard from him again.literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-70003816724728330382010-12-20T11:28:00.001-08:002010-12-20T11:29:07.055-08:00First Snow/Ugly Work Parking Lot<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEWi4Cosr3CLFWOtEoTHiZjohTlq7eHWJLxDOd9NJ995XLViJGU6ZvI1W06msTcUqOcAPoXaHJmN5cUekGNf8ElyLWhElD9UsEmp_xlKZh4auHm2falmMkTwcqN_lTHjwtwjwcBKqyKh1S/s1600/1220001421.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5552848642997201986" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEWi4Cosr3CLFWOtEoTHiZjohTlq7eHWJLxDOd9NJ995XLViJGU6ZvI1W06msTcUqOcAPoXaHJmN5cUekGNf8ElyLWhElD9UsEmp_xlKZh4auHm2falmMkTwcqN_lTHjwtwjwcBKqyKh1S/s400/1220001421.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div>literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-53871902039052260982010-12-20T11:09:00.000-08:002010-12-20T11:19:38.547-08:00I'm on Shag Highway Heading West!Tomorrow I leave for Texas to spend the deargoddon'tbeterrible holidays with my family. It's the first Christmas that my dad will not be in attendance, so we've decreased our chances of family combustion by a little bit. And, to make sure the holidays start off even more out of the red, I'm going to my friend Sarah's house tonight to watch the best holiday movie: Love Actually. We're also going to eat curries to make us feel more British, too. Merry Christmas! <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5552845216044409682" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 256px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpCqQukQPI55pSx18yO_5K6ocO5s8H0d7KRCtTVggQZUxqOpT1158sflFgXKnMz1-CSuB8F7XhhfRB541BeeDMbRDwVCwzzF04OBC2GyZBlHKas_c8ngqwWqMMUkIeRe2Da-RMY3VHWeIU/s400/love_actually.jpg" border="0" />literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-56216154993348054132010-12-20T09:03:00.001-08:002010-12-20T13:07:40.617-08:00More Gifting Suggestions From MomAfter my mom told me she wanted to <a href="http://literating.blogspot.com/2010/12/mommie-creepiest.html">"smell like Sarah"</a> for Christmas, I didn't think she could top any gifting suggestions ... until I asked her what my brother might want.<br />She said, "Well ... your brother and I were talking the other night, and I asked him who he thinks is attractive in Hollywood. And, without missing a beat, your brother said, '<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Keira</span> Knightly'."<br />My brother confirmed this strange conversation when I talked to him on Saturday.<br />My mom goes on to say, "Lauren, you know things about the Internet."<br />To which I replied, "..." Sideways glance.<br />"Wouldn't it be great if you could find a signed picture of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Keira</span> Knightly for your brother for Christmas?" she asked.<br /><br />So, now I only have a few days left to figure out how to use <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">TheInternet</span>.com, and hope my 30-year-old college professor, PhD brother still has room on his office wall for a signed picture from his girl <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Keira</span>.literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-45450247355220270602010-12-17T06:34:00.001-08:002010-12-17T06:40:37.677-08:00Four Loko is SO October 2010A few weeks ago, some girlfriends and I went to Newport, RI for all of their Christmas celebrations. It was so fucking quaint.<br />Santa arrived via boat, we saw a tree lighting, there was <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">caroling</span> and wassail.<br />We also took a tour of a old mansion set up to reflect what a Christmas Eve would look like in the 1820s. During the tour, we learned about an Old <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Timey</span> (amazing) drink called Artillery Punch. Tonight, friends, I'm going to a party where it's being served. Brace yourselves for the ingredient list:<br />Black tea, whiskey, red wine, rum, brandy, herbal liqueur, orange juice and lemon juice.<br /><br />Goodbye and I love you all.literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-25871113897624113382010-12-17T06:26:00.001-08:002010-12-17T08:39:28.898-08:00Catch Phrase Hat TrickMy friends and I use a battery of catch phrases to sum up how we're feeling sometimes. Here they are:<br />- Feelings about feelings (To be used when you're emotional or feeling feelings about feelings)<br />- Flames ... on the side of my face (Extreme rage)<br />- PEOPLE ARE TERRIBLE (self explanatory and so, so true)<br />- Don't show the crazy (priceless advice, mostly applied to dating)<br />- WHAT? OK!! (a la The <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Chappelle</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Show's</span> Lil' John sketch. Still relevant after all these years)<br />- And by cupcakes, I mean ... (this one needs more explanation, but for another day)<br />- SO WHAT. WHO CARES? (besides Jason Sudeikis' dancing on What Up With That?, Fred Armisen's Joy Behar impression is the only funny thing on that show)<br />- That's what she said (also self explanatory/still relevant)<br /><br />Yesterday was one of those days where I felt ALL of our catch phrases, except for "That's what she said". It's too bad it wasn't a perfect hat trick of phrases because yesterday was exhausting and confusing. Luckily, the tides turned in the evening and I was left very satisfied with a cherry on top. Wait a minute - yes! - THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-51339090526848583642010-12-15T08:02:00.001-08:002010-12-15T10:45:04.766-08:00Mommie CreepiestI just had a brief phone conversation with my mom about Christmas gifts. She wanted to know what I want, so I told her the only thing I really want is Jay-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Z's</span> new autobiography. She doesn't know who that is and she hates hip-hop music*, so I can only imagine what she wrote down to remind her of what I actually want. Does J.C. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Chasez</span> have an autobiography yet? I'll probably get that.<br />Then, I asked her what she wanted for Christmas, and without missing a beat she said, "I want to smell like Sarah." <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Creeeeeeepy</span>. <a href="http://blondesnotbombs.tumblr.com/">Sarah</a> is one of my best friends and she used to work at Lush, and truthfully does always smell delicious. My mom first sniffed her when she visited earlier this fall and told Sarah and me privately many - MANY - times how <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">intoxicating</span> she smells. My mom sure is creepy.<br /><br />* She took away my cassette of the Dangerous Minds soundtrack from me when I was younger. I cried. I didn't appreciate it at the time, but she was saving me from myself and from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Coolio</span>, too.literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-69079358533133429512010-12-03T09:19:00.000-08:002010-12-03T09:40:00.050-08:00Business TimeAs I've mentioned before, I work for a small book publisher. One of my goals here is to expand the markets their books are sold into, and one of those markets is sex stores. There are a few titles in the catalogs that are a great fit, and more coming out this spring. In fact, my boss called me yesterday to let me know that he has a box of sex toys for me to look at when I get a chance.<br />Just the type of phone call I love to get in the workplace!<br />This is all very blush-worthy trying to have a straight-faced conversation with my boss about these products. And, I just had write an email to a customer that included both the phrases, "Happy belated Thanksgiving!" and "... fluffy handcuffs, velvet restraint, and blindfold".<br />It turns out it IS a dirty job, and I'm the one who has to do it. Heh, "do it".literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-14640968557129532022010-10-24T19:39:00.000-07:002010-10-24T19:45:34.826-07:00Karaoke Truth #4,590I'm reading "Talking to Girls About Duran Duran" by Rob Sheffield right now. Even though this book isn't as good as his first (if you haven't read his "Love Is A Mix Tape", you should!), there is one line that sticks out: <div>"Laura bemoans the fact that karaoke is not more like real life. She asks, 'Why do I have all the confidence in karaoke that's completely missing from any other area of my existence?'"</div><div><br /></div><div>SO TRUE.</div>literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-70487573112693791212010-10-22T07:14:00.000-07:002010-10-22T07:51:20.255-07:00Love and MeatballsI think it’s fair to say that most girls would find it flattering if two men were fighting over them. One man brings out a glove and slaps the other, challenging him to a duel! But, what if it’s two middle-aged women fighting over you? That happened to me last night at a dinner party and it was strange, to say the least.<br />A co-worker had several of us over to her house for dinner (homemade sauce with FOUR different types of meats (!!!)), and the hostess had mentioned in the past that she knew a young man she used to work with, who lives in Somerville, like me, that she would like to set me up with. Another co-worker brought this up at the dinner last night, “What about that guy you wanted to set Lauren up with?” (Hi, people I don’t know who read this. My name is Lauren.) My face instantly turns red because this is a dinner party, not a “Lauren’s single, let’s talk about that, party.”<br />The hostess says, “I’m on it. I’ve emailed his mother and am trying to set this up.” She had an old neighborhood friend over for dinner, too, who pipes up and says, “What about my Brian?” So, now, the two women start arguing over who I would be better suited to, while my co-workers are laughing at me and I sit there getting increasingly red in the face and have at least 2 of the 4 meats in my mouth. (sidenote: heh, TWSS)<br />Then, they leave the dinner table to pull up both boys on Facebook.com. Then, the friend takes out her cell phone and starts texting her son about me. It got REALLY weird when I had my head turned and the friend was trying to sneakily take my picture with her phone when I wasn’t looking. Or, perhaps it was stranger when I was using the bathroom and I could hear one my co-workers spelling out my last name so the woman could text it to her son. Yet again stranger when they started saying they’d like me for a daughter-in-law, and my co-worker was trying to think of ways to break up her son’s relationship so I could marry him.<br />It really was very flattering, and perhaps I’m missing an opportunity: I should really start scamming on 56-year-old women.literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-86880633705857717802010-09-23T12:12:00.000-07:002010-09-23T12:24:15.437-07:00Dance Yrself LeanI think I'm in love with my <a href="http://literating.blogspot.com/2010/08/i-may-or-may-not-have.html">dance instructor.</a><br />I started my first class last night and it was SO much fun. When I walked into the dance complex, there was an African Drum Beat class downstairs, and a tap class in the studio before my class meets. It felt so good - as a mediocre dancer - to be surrounded by all those talented dancers.<br />My class is taught by the sassiest of sassy men, who wore a bright yellow <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">bandanna</span> on his head and big diamond stud earrings. He came into the class and immediately started <a href="http://blogs.msg.com/themonitor/images/2008/03/17/michael_flatley24.jpg">Irish Tap Dancing</a>, and then flipped on the stereo, where much to my delight, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Beyonce</span> started playing.<br />Due to the name of my class, we did a lot butt stretches. At one point, we all had to bend over in front of the instructor, at which point I'm pretty sure he was assessing (get it?) where we are now, and how we will compare at the end of class.<br />We learned a few combinations, he taught us how to walk sexy towards the mirror to get a boy's attention, and then pivot around as if to say, in his words, "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Nuh</span>-uh, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">boi</span>, you took too long. I'm outta here!" The best part about that, is there is this one older couple there who also had to do the sexy walk. The wife showed up to class wearing a bottom up Oxford, and jean cargo shorts, and the husband had his beer belly hanging low. It didn't matter, though, everyone had such a great time and just laughed through the whole class. My trunk's pretty sore today, but it was so worth it.literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-2333306066098830392010-09-15T06:27:00.000-07:002010-09-15T06:33:09.319-07:00Miss, can you help me?Last night I went to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Ikea</span> with some friends, and I accidentally wore a bright yellow cardigan and a dark blue shirt underneath that. I didn't realize that I was dressed like an employee there until a few people looked like they were about to ask me a question, but then couldn't locate my name tag.<br />When I was checking out, I saw someone take a picture of me with their cell phone camera in the way that "I'm not taking a picture of you, but I'm so totally obviously taking a picture of you" kind of way.<br />Oh, well. I ate an entire plate of Swedish Meatballs with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">lingonberry</span> jam, afterwards walked around the whole store with the top button of my pants undone and spent $100 on stuff I don't REALLY need, and it totally made me feel better.literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-78607132585931939572010-09-13T13:31:00.000-07:002010-09-13T13:38:39.288-07:00Keeping It RealI may have the grown-ass job of a 28-year-old, where they send me around the U.S. making business decisions and throwing down plastic at client dinners, but I still have the expense report of a 6-year-old left to their own devices with their allowance: <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5516500152273757938" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 218px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvdLBoNhLJG8DqD18eEkyGso421vzH1tfd60YE_3vJlAcxxIx7G4QGOKawU8f2Oz-O-PFTQwcyoSFSBUI4794rMM-Kw7K3hG87bmEXBIN0AcjlnMbn9XpQ76lUa30y-8U2tOwz_JG5RVs1/s320/Picture1.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div>Yes, I NEEDED that cheesewedge magnet and animal crackers.</div>literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-39355800114168509212010-09-02T10:33:00.001-07:002010-09-02T11:01:02.440-07:00All My Exes Live in SomervilleSo, I moved this week - along with hundreds of other Bostonians. When I first moved back here, I was living in a sublet with a friend of a friend (we're now friends, awww) and my September apartment search started my first day back in the area.<br />I looked at some HORRIBLE places: one place was so small, and the girl living there had really long fingernails - like <a href="http://weirdestthings.info/images/world-record-longest-fingernails%202.jpg">Guiness Book of World Records long</a> - another place was occupied by female hockey players, which is probably someone's fantasy, but not mine, and another was occupied by a male copy editor who was very nice, showed me to the nearest library branch, but scowled at me on the street the next day when I said "hi" while running by. Thank goodness for my current living situation.<br />Before I met with my current roommate, who I found via Craigslist, I did the requesite internet stalking (as did she: she found out I was a member of a knitting community, so I had to be nice, she reasoned). I found out on Facebook that we have a mutual friend. Her name sounded familiar, and she looked familiar, too. Turns out, she dated my friend. Turns out, so did I. His current girlfriend is swiftly becoming one of my closest friends. What a <a href="http://paperandglue.net/site/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/george_michael_bluth1.jpg">fun, sexy time</a> for us!<br />With his permission, I met with her and we got along really well! It's not entirely surprising. As much as anyone would hate to admit it, ex-girlfriends will most likely get along. Of course there are psychotic exceptions, but my roommate and I have a LOT in common. We are both in love with PBS Specialty Programming, for example. I recently picked up <a href="http://www.pbs.org/previews/regencyhouse/">Regency House Party</a> from the library, and we started watching it the other night. We were really confused by which cast member was which, so she started making a visual aid for us to have on hand while we watch. Basically, a poster board with photograph and brief biography. It warmed my crafty, glue-stick-loving heart. Also, she sends me emails like this:<br />"And while [her current boyfriend] was playing around with the [recently purchased/used] TV stand last night trying to figure out how to fix the drawer, a VHS popped out from underneath, elaborately labeled "RAP" in gold marker. We <em>have</em> to watch this tape."<br />I'll report back with what's on the tape, but I'm really hoping for the previous owner's personal foray into the art form.literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-59742652691674149332010-08-31T10:05:00.000-07:002010-08-31T10:22:19.787-07:00A Lady on the Street, but a Freak in the ... 24-Hour Shaw'sHerewith are the steps to make the staff at a 24-hour Shaw's Supermarket hate their jobs, lives, next door neighbor's cats, etc:<br />Step #1: Pick up closest NYC girlfriends from South Station for one of the better weekends on record.<br />Step #2: Bring said friends back to your apartment for a cheese plate spread and several seasonal craft beers (Post Road Pumpkin, Sierra Nevada Tumbler, etc).<br />Step #3: Go out to Shay's in Harvard Square, get drunk, get hit on by a man with a pony tail and a fanny pack, stumble 1 mile towards home, witness friend pee in alley, have said friend recount tale of strange man watching her pee.<br />Step #4: Arrive at Shaw's.<br />Step #5: Split up, best to divide and conquer. Hear friends yelling all over the store, including one friend <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">harass</span> a man in a sea green shirt asking where the Ruffles are, he insists he does not work there, she couldn't care less and tells him she's simply looking for sympathy (AND Ruffles), watch same friend try to "level" with our check-out girl "Sarah" and let her know she "gets it" and also something about "the man", watch other two friends bicker about the color of the various onion dips and how they look "too grey".<br />Step #6: Arrive back at apartment and collectively consume: 2 large frozen pizzas, at least 1 pound (of the 3 purchased) of Peanut Butter M&Ms, entire can of onion dip, one half bag of Ruffles Potato Chips.<br /><br />Please note: steps 3 and 5 are VITAL.literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-33761403743262177032010-08-27T10:24:00.000-07:002010-08-27T10:29:22.339-07:00(Werewolf Bar Mitzvah) Spooky ScaryI know it’s not even September yet, but I’m already getting really excited about Halloween. It’s my favorite holiday! I love autumn, anything pumpkin and most importantly: dressing up* and decorating. Also, I haven’t discussed my obsession with cheese spreaders on here yet (picture post to come), but my Halloween cheese spreaders are my FAVORITE.<br />Anyway, this weekend I’m moving into another new apartment and on the first floor of the place is the living room, dining room, screened-in porch (for drinking pumpkin beer), kitchen and office and upstairs are the two bedrooms. What better way to welcome myself with my new roommate than with this SPOOKY craft for our staircase: <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5510142420093470946" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 256px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpcSdPEyMwFMOPSIAYNsjJptGCbNUT6OBk_rjuAd4PlqNbY4Y-Z7Dvu7sijioK3i-ZXF_M6H9Pb7aBZmP5l4QHkue5opfGMLY8lLW3TP-4vFCtq8LZx5__99hcTTPZWr6_mgbatD-n8Gei/s320/ftb_silhouet01_xl.jpg" border="0" /><br /><p><a href="http://www.marthastewart.com/article/decorating-with-paper-silhouettes?backto=true&backtourl=/photogallery/halloween-decorating#slide_1">Martha Stewart How-To</a></p><p>*I'm REALLY hoping there are opportunities to dress up this year. I've known what I've wanted to be since about February: <a href="http://bittenandbound.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/patty_hearst.jpg">Patty Hearst. </a> </p>literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-8708809092262589312010-08-27T07:01:00.001-07:002010-08-27T07:03:29.052-07:00You Will Be Mine ...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEvijdp49iHSxg3Th2DgxnWeRS6urM6sGLepF0vTq0L8CgUZW5esLKyCySWgHu8xmqevZn6Dkn3b0Sq16cA3wlIkws9pQkfNd_8byHsQlavqLtLeV817Vbe2lJE0jRTb6GIL47bTJ9iDzg/s1600/il_430xN_158713823.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5510089691210900802" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 213px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEvijdp49iHSxg3Th2DgxnWeRS6urM6sGLepF0vTq0L8CgUZW5esLKyCySWgHu8xmqevZn6Dkn3b0Sq16cA3wlIkws9pQkfNd_8byHsQlavqLtLeV817Vbe2lJE0jRTb6GIL47bTJ9iDzg/s320/il_430xN_158713823.jpg" border="0" /></a><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/47112405/sterling-silver-honey-knuckles-ii?ref=em">... Oh yes, you will be mine.</a>literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-44938749106853841452010-08-24T13:09:00.000-07:002010-08-24T13:18:53.403-07:00Party TipsTomorrow is my 28th birthday. I’m going to a local BBQ place for copious amounts of beer and smoked items. And, while I don’t have a Twitter, I do read some “celebrities’” feeds. One of the best is Andrew WK’s feed. He likes to post party tips, and I hope to have a chance to use one of his most recent ones tomorrow night: PARTY TIP: 1) Get down on your stomach. 2) Put a magazine on your head. 3) Quickly say the word "butterball" over and over.<br />It may happen.<br />Lately, I’ve had this streak of being REALLY bold – well, bold by my standards. I’m not sure if it’s heat stroke, or I just don’t CARE what anyone thinks of me because I’m awesome or I’m “coming into my own” (ew) – it doesn’t matter, but it’s all happening.<br /><br />Also, happiest of happy birthdays TODAY to my beautiful friend <a href="http://www.abasketofhugs.com/">Lillie.</a>literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-51528446373953522092010-08-18T11:28:00.000-07:002010-08-18T11:30:16.762-07:00I May or May Not Have ...... just signed up for a dance class called Jazz Funk to Tighten the Trunk.literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-27059599802064826382010-07-23T11:04:00.000-07:002010-07-23T11:29:46.214-07:00Road Trip: Day 1-2<em>For the next few entries, I’m going to talk about my road trip with my brother. I’ll try not to ramble too much, and just give you the highlights. The purpose of the trip was to move said brother from Philadelphia to College Station, TX. He recently completed a PhD program at UPENN and will be teaching at Texas A&M in the fall. I’m proud of him.<br /></em><br />Day 1, States visited: MA, CT, NY, PA, MD, WV, VA<br />Day 1 was pretty exhausting - just look at the amount of territory we conquered. And, by “we” I mean my brother because I don’t know how to drive stick. I was basically just one hundred-and-SHUT-YO-MOUTH pounds of dead weight the entire trip. I did hold a map on my lap, though, and honored his request to “please ignore that map of Gay Philadelphia, ok?” The highlight of Day 1 was the excitement of potentially eating at Poor Richard’s in Scranton, PA – the ELECTRIC city – also home of TV’s The Office. I’d been to Scranton before (it’s where the warehouse at my old job was located), but this time was more fun because my relationship with my brother Brian is built on the foundation of movie and television quotes. We passed the sign for the Steamtown Mall, a sign for Carbondale (“LOOK what I found at the gas station in Carbondale!”), and a sign for Lake Wallenpaupack, where they had their booze cruise, etc. Sadly, the GPS didn’t have Poor Richard’s listed as a “point of interest” and even after looking up the address online that bastard couldn’t get us there. The GPS, not my brother. So, we settled on the Glider Diner – Kevin really likes their pie. Apparently Obama ate there, too, but I was happier about the Kevin part. We definitely didn’t blend in well with the local Scrantonians, and were the biggest jerks there UNTIL some cast rejects from the Jersey Shore showed up and we were able to give our waitress the “get a load of a those guys” eye roll.<br />After a photo op or two, my brother and I were on the road again and finally stopped for the night in Winchester, VA – home of George Washington’s office, and more importantly – home of 99 cent beers and 2 dollar potato skins at the Cork Street Tavern!<br />Day 2, States visited: VA, NC<br />We really pushed through to VA on Day 1, so we could start off Day 2 on the Blue Ridge Parkway. If you ever get the chance to travel along that, please take it. It’s almost 500 miles of scenic road through the Appalachians that starts in Shenandoah National Park and ends in the Great Smoky Mountain National Park. There’s AMAZING views everywhere you look, and the sides of the road are sprinkled with tons of wild flowers. My brother and I both agreed that all the lush vegetation really did look like Endor from Star Wars. We took lots of pictures and stopped at a “comfort station” or two. I asked one of the ladies - Louise from Missouri - if she lived nearby year round and after the look of “Oh my god, is this girl going to murder me” washed away from her ashen face, she told me that a lot of the employees along the parkway are actually volunteers who come during the summer and dorm together. Interesting! We ended the day in Boone, NC at an Applebee’s. From that day forward, all we could talk about was Applebee’s delightful new offering: <a href="http://www.applebees.jobs/images/menu/highlight_appetizers.jpg">Wonton Tacos</a> . So, if you have the chance to either eat those or go on the Blue Ridge Parkway – go with the tacos. They’re amazing. Don’t listen to <a href="http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjmIeSzNnLIJnCob2Uj_72536xR.;_ylv=3?qid=20100221140429AAp6uzX">this girl</a> on a message board I found about the tacos because my answer to the original question is a resounding “HELL YEAH. I DO.”<br /><br />Coming up, Day 3: Hiking in jeggings: rugged or ridiculous?literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4350488075347022452.post-9974525650032180192010-07-22T10:10:00.000-07:002010-07-22T10:20:41.316-07:00An ApologyTalking to a friend on the phone last night, she reminded me that now that she’s following my blog (ugh, that word), I need to write more. She’s right. I’m sorry, Internet. I’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ve</span> been neglectful. Here’s a list of what I’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ve</span> been up to, and I will try to expand on each item soon:<br />- I moved. Of course you know this because it’s pretty much all I’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">ve</span> talked about on here.<br />- I started a new job. I like it. It’s incredibly different, but a good different. I’m the only employee without kids, and everyone wants to leave the office at 5 to get home to said carrier monkeys so it’s win-win.<br />- I went cross country with my brother. Actually, I guess it’s technically half-country as we drove from Massachusetts to Texas. I will detail this out – it was a great trip.<br />- I’m lazy and easily distracted. I was going to start writing last night, but checked out a documentary from the library on the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Jonestown</span> massacre (just keeping it light!) so I watched that instead.<br />- I’m out doing stuff. As part of my plan to insert myself (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">heh</span>) into my existing Boston friends’ lives, I’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">ve</span> been trying to make lots of plans and be social: I saw <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Aziz</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Ansari</span> (thanks again, <a href="http://chrisbrook.tumblr.com/">Chris</a>!), I’m going to a Red <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Sox</span> game next week, I went to see the Grease Sing-A-Long (Hi, <a href="http://blondesnotbombs.tumblr.com/">Sarah</a>!), went to the beach (directly below Logan airport’s flight path. Still not sure if I’m “tan” or just covered in jet fuel – but it’s awesome!), etc.<br />- I've been using the Internet for other things, ok? Do you guys KNOW how Sam Cooke died? It's crazy, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sam_Cooke">read his Wikipedia page</a>!<br />- I bought some beef jerky today, and that took up, like, 5 minutes. Don’t you feel like a creep when you buy that stuff? Right. I’m probably the only non-truck driver who buys that stuff, but still. Trust me.<br />So, those are my reasons for being absent, but I plan to write this weekend as I don’t really have any plans (This is new for me. I’m an insane planner, and the idea of a spontaneous weekend is stressing me out). Anyway, onward …literatinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04089913597266556024noreply@blogger.com3