Road Trip: Day 1-2

For the next few entries, I’m going to talk about my road trip with my brother. I’ll try not to ramble too much, and just give you the highlights. The purpose of the trip was to move said brother from Philadelphia to College Station, TX. He recently completed a PhD program at UPENN and will be teaching at Texas A&M in the fall. I’m proud of him.

Day 1, States visited: MA, CT, NY, PA, MD, WV, VA
Day 1 was pretty exhausting - just look at the amount of territory we conquered. And, by “we” I mean my brother because I don’t know how to drive stick. I was basically just one hundred-and-SHUT-YO-MOUTH pounds of dead weight the entire trip. I did hold a map on my lap, though, and honored his request to “please ignore that map of Gay Philadelphia, ok?” The highlight of Day 1 was the excitement of potentially eating at Poor Richard’s in Scranton, PA – the ELECTRIC city – also home of TV’s The Office. I’d been to Scranton before (it’s where the warehouse at my old job was located), but this time was more fun because my relationship with my brother Brian is built on the foundation of movie and television quotes. We passed the sign for the Steamtown Mall, a sign for Carbondale (“LOOK what I found at the gas station in Carbondale!”), and a sign for Lake Wallenpaupack, where they had their booze cruise, etc. Sadly, the GPS didn’t have Poor Richard’s listed as a “point of interest” and even after looking up the address online that bastard couldn’t get us there. The GPS, not my brother. So, we settled on the Glider Diner – Kevin really likes their pie. Apparently Obama ate there, too, but I was happier about the Kevin part. We definitely didn’t blend in well with the local Scrantonians, and were the biggest jerks there UNTIL some cast rejects from the Jersey Shore showed up and we were able to give our waitress the “get a load of a those guys” eye roll.
After a photo op or two, my brother and I were on the road again and finally stopped for the night in Winchester, VA – home of George Washington’s office, and more importantly – home of 99 cent beers and 2 dollar potato skins at the Cork Street Tavern!
Day 2, States visited: VA, NC
We really pushed through to VA on Day 1, so we could start off Day 2 on the Blue Ridge Parkway. If you ever get the chance to travel along that, please take it. It’s almost 500 miles of scenic road through the Appalachians that starts in Shenandoah National Park and ends in the Great Smoky Mountain National Park. There’s AMAZING views everywhere you look, and the sides of the road are sprinkled with tons of wild flowers. My brother and I both agreed that all the lush vegetation really did look like Endor from Star Wars. We took lots of pictures and stopped at a “comfort station” or two. I asked one of the ladies - Louise from Missouri - if she lived nearby year round and after the look of “Oh my god, is this girl going to murder me” washed away from her ashen face, she told me that a lot of the employees along the parkway are actually volunteers who come during the summer and dorm together. Interesting! We ended the day in Boone, NC at an Applebee’s. From that day forward, all we could talk about was Applebee’s delightful new offering: Wonton Tacos . So, if you have the chance to either eat those or go on the Blue Ridge Parkway – go with the tacos. They’re amazing. Don’t listen to this girl on a message board I found about the tacos because my answer to the original question is a resounding “HELL YEAH. I DO.”

Coming up, Day 3: Hiking in jeggings: rugged or ridiculous?

Everything's Boobier (on the way to) Texas

My brother is moving to Texas to teach history at Texas A&M. I'm SO proud of him, but also really sad that he's DITCHING me on the East Coast. I'm going to accompany him on the drive to Texas, and he said we could stop at Dollywood on the way. I can never tell if he's kidding or serious, but, oh please, oh please be serious. I love Dolly Parton. 9 to 5 is one of my favorite movies. She's just so sunny and positive, and I'm even reading her out-of-print autobiography, Dolly Parton: My Life and Other Unfinished Business, right now. My friend, also a huge Dolly fan, loaned it to me. Also, if you've never listened to the albums Trio or Trio II from Dolly Parton, Linda Ronstadt and Emmylou Harris, you're crazy.

Thanksgiving

I've just spent the two days on detox from Thanksgiving. It was a good time, don't get me wrong, but it's nice to sit in silence for a few days after being around extended family. The highs were, of course, spending time with my brother. Our drive up had NO traffic, which was amazing. (Not amazing? Me accidentally taking the wrong exit for the Mass Pike with a 16 mile detour. Oops!) And, we even did our bi-annual stop at Friendly's where we ate disgusting (read: amazing) sandwiches with BBQ-drenched fried chicken, bacon and cheese on fried bread. (Although, my body was definitely rejecting the honey BBQ delight; I could feel it in my throat for a few hours. And, yes, that's also what she said.) We both "ran" the 5K Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning. I'm proud of my brother for running the whole thing, even though he's been sore ever since. That's what happens when you never exercise and your diet consists of Centrum Silver (it's on sale!) and Spaghetti-O's.
Another high was seeing a friend of mine from college on Friday night. We went out in Portsmouth, NH to a brewery. We didn't stay there too long as it got really crowded with bros. By then, I guess you could call it a BRO-ery – ha! (Please click here.) Besides the bros, there was also a girl who was negotiating with the bartender about putting more vodka in the TWO vodka cranberries she had ordered for herself. Part of the negotiation process involved leaning over me, too. But, sadly for her, it didn't work. Unrelated: is anyone else REALLY excited about the Jersey Shore House TV show that starts this week on MTV?
On actual Thanksgiving, my aunt and uncle had some friends for dinner along with my grandma. When they arrived we were in the middle of watching a photo DVD which had pictures of my parents before they were married, my grandparents when they were younger, me when I was adorable, me when I most definitely was not (light-washed jeans, hairsprayed bangs and braces? AT THE SAME TIME?!) I figured when their friends arrived, my uncle would turn off the DVD, but no such luck. They had to sit through quite a bit of the 45 minute DVD, poor things. At this point in the slideshow I had, um, gone through my developmental stage. So, there was one picture of my sister and I where I was wearing a V-neck dress and leaning over. My grandmother then blows up my spot and says, "Wow, look at that crease!" Thanks, grammie! That's the closest thing to a compliment I've gotten from her, and it was all about my boobies.
Overall, it was a good break, but I'm always happy to be back home in my now supremely-organized apartment.

For relaxing times, make it Early Times ...

For the last eight years, I've gone north to my aunt and uncle's house for Thanksgiving to Newburyport, Massachusetts - a sleepy town on the Merrimac River. For the last four years, my brother has joined me in the trek since moving from California to Philadelphia. For the last two years, I've run in Newburyport's Annual Turkey Trot. This year, my brother decided to run it with me.
We woke up early Thanksgiving morning, laced up and headed out into the frosty morning to run 3.1 miles in Maudsley State Park. My brother, who hasn't exercised since 1999, was reasonably terrified. We stood at the back of the 1,500-plus pack of runners, with senior citizens in front of us, runners with small dogs on leashes and some eight-year-old doing military style push-ups before the race. For the first half of the race my brother and I were neck-and-neck, but at the halfway mark I lost him. We both finished at a mildly-respectful 38 minutes (me) and 40 minutes (him) - not bad for two people who rarely exercise, one of them not since the threat of Y2K loomed close.
The soreness set in almost instantly. Mine lifted by the time the turkey was placed on the table, but my brother's ... well, I'm not sure if it's gone yet.
My grammie came over around noon and began her typical questions on repeat: Do you like to cook? (my question to answer) How is school? (my brother's question) When are you going to shave your beard? (I'll let you decide whose question that was) What kind of drink would you like? (a question for both of us)
My grandmother is an expert when it comes to libations. She's been drinking Southern Comfort for years and years, "because it's sweet". Every time we see her she pushes for us to drink up Janis Joplin's cocktail of choice. For years, when my grandfather was alive, they'd have happy hour together and she's sip her liquid "dessert". My brother doesn't really drink much, and, with his body in disarray he decided, to ease his pains, skip the SoCo and to try a little bourbon - Early Times Bourbon.

This bourbon has been in my aunt's cupboard for at least 15 years. The bottle was covered in dust, and she only uses it when she makes Lobster Newburg. I took one sip and started coughing, and my brother took a sip and said, "[he] could see through time." On a roll to prove his athletic prowess, he made a sport of drinking that bourbon and was lightheaded within minutes. And even though I may have won the foot race, he was the true champion of the day.

Preserve, Cherish, Protect

One of my favorite sites is Passive Aggressive Notes. If you've ever lived in a dorm-like situation, a multi-sibling household or anywhere with a white board you've experienced a passive aggressive note.
My brother lives in a multi-floor, multi-resident, always smells like curry apartment building in the West Side of Philadelphia.
He came home after dropping a friend off at the airport to find about FIFTY of this little beauty posted all around his building:

Text, for the hard of seeing:
Hi Everyone:
Yesterday because of the rain I spread my wet umbrella in the hall of the third floor around 10PM. Unfortunately I forgot to bring it back at night. But this morning I found my umbrella missing.
Yes, I know that the stuffs placed in the hall are often free for everyone. But I think my umbrella is an exception because of the heavy rain and I spread it. So maybe someone has taken my umbrella away unintentionally.
I hope that the person who took my umbrella could return it to the same place. Our environment need all of us living in this building to preserve it, to cherish it, to protect it.
One resident.

Man, my heart goes out to this one resident, but I'm afraid they'll never get their umbrella back. But, the real winner in all of this is us: we've learned in order to have a robust life full of proper morals we need to preserve, cherish and protect.

I Now Pronounce You Embarrassed and Unrecognized

This weekend my mom was visiting the East Coast. She flew into Philadelphia to see my brother, see Amish country, shop The Christmas Tree Shops, but mostly she was here to attend the wedding of one of her best friend's daughters.
After work on Friday, I drove up to Connecticut from New York to meet my brother and mom at the hotel near the location of the wedding. My brother and I have always been confused why we're invited to the events of our mom's friends, mostly because we don't know any of their "kids" as well as I think their parents wished we did. While all the kids are lovely and accommodating, we're sure they don't want us at their weddings either.
My parents, brother and I were all born in the same town in Connecticut. My mom's best friends and their children were also born in that same town. The difference between us and them is that they've lived there their entire lives, while my family (with sister added in West Springfield, Mass.) has moved seven times removed from our roots.
Last summer we went to another one of these functions, meeting many people we didn't think we'd see again.
Well.
In order to be helpful, my brother and I went over to the wedding site early and set up where we could, as there was another wedding wrapping up minutes before the next was to begin. There was nothing for us to do except not look forward to the next five hours of our lives.
With arms crossed, we talked away the time and eventually people started to show up. A guy walked up to us and said, "Hey, I think I met you at another one of these things last year."
I said, "Oh, yeah, [mom's friend's daughter's] wedding ..."
Then my brother says, "Who are you again?"
"I'm the groom."
Ouch.
"I'm going to leave you guys alone now."
Wow.
The best part, outside of the WORST kind of embarrassment, was his best man snickering in the back at my brother's mistake. To be fair, I was seconds away from asking this guy the same question, but saw that he was wearing a tuxedo. Thank you, context clues.
After shot-gunning a few drinks to ease the tension, my brother and I ran into another wedding guest: the son of one of my mom's best friends. He walked right up to my brother, shook his hand and said, "[Brother], how's it goin'?" I extended my hand and said, "Hey! How have you been?" The amount of dead space in the gaze returned my way could only be explained by Carl Sagan. He had absolutely no idea who I was. Meanwhile, a few feet away from the awkward exchange was a photo collage including a picture of us STANDING WITHIN INCHES OF EACH OTHER. (Ok, the picture was taken when I was four years old, in a kiddie pool, also known as the first and last time I wore a bikini. Whatever.)
Suffice to say, my mother assured us we would never have to attend another event of people we didn't know, and who clearly did not know us.

Bro Time with Okkervil River

Last night, after some delicious pierogies at Veselka and a stop at the Dessert Truck, my brother - in town from Philadelphia - and I went to see Okkervil River at Webster Hall.
Doors were at 7 pm, so being ever-so-punctual we got there around 7:30-ish to find the band wasn't even going on until 10 pm. We walked over to Union Square to try to see a movie, but nothing was playing (well, Beverly Hills, Chihuahua and Righteous Kill do not count) so we browsed a Halloween store where my brother finally got his first monocle - a lifelong dream. Then, we went to The Strand to read for a few hours. We separated in the store, but when we met up again on the ground floor, it turns out we were both reading the same book, the Zombie Survival Guide - no wonder he's one of my best friends.
We got back to a packed Webster Hall to catch the tail end of the second opener (yawn). Then Okkervil River went on and it was one of the best shows I've been to in a long time. I don't know much of their earlier stuff, but their last two albums have been really solid.
Also pretty solid was the 8 foot tall man who stood in front of my brother and I at the show. Seriously, he reminded me of Al from the Naked Gun movies. He only gets an honorable mention for "Worst Person at a Show I've Been To". Last night's winners were these girls who'd clearly been drinking all night; they insisted on texting on their iPhones through the whole show and talking during the more mellow songs. Maybe talking isn't the right word, it was more of a shrill pitch, especially when one of them squeaked, "GIRLS! Who wants a CO-RO-NA?!"
(other people awarded "Worst Person" honors this year were both at the Josh Ritter show in Brooklyn earlier this year: one guy was freaking out and flailing during the whole show and my friend grabbed him and yelled, "COOL OUT!" to which he responded, "ROCK OUT!"; and an annoying hipstery girl who stood right in front taking pictures of Josh Ritter all night - worst was when he turned all the lights off in the house to really take it down a notch and the girl used her flash with such reckless abandon I was afraid someone would murder her on the spot)
Despite some of the people in the crowd, it was such a good show that I'd recommend seeing them if you get a chance.

The BInGe E

Yesterday I went to the Big E in Western Massachusetts with my brother. It's a giant, annual fair displaying New England's best livestock, best carnival games, best childhood obesity and best in menswear and ladies' fashion (I saw more leather vests, fanny packs and overalls than I have in years. One woman had TWO fanny packs on).
Most importantly, they showcase all the food you shouldn't eat. Each state has its own expo house, and we hit them all. Here is what we ate:

- Baked potatoes with sour cream, butter, bacon bits, cheese and chives from Maine
- Maple candy from Vermont
- Cheddar cheese from Vermont
- Italian sausage from heaven
- Hot dog with cheese on it
- Root beer floats from Connecticut
- Blueberry pie a la mode from Maine

This doesn't include the Goldfish crackers I ate on the two and half hour drive up, or the pizza I ate when I got home while watching "The 750-pound man" on TLC (spoiler alert: he dies!); I needed a confidence pick-me-up. My poor tummy, my poor waist band, my poor toilet.

Green thumbs

You could say my parents are plant enthusiasts. This is what they got me for my birthday:

We've always had a beautiful garden full of flowers, and when there was the room, vegetables.

A few years ago, when my parents were starting to become real, actual people, not just boring old parents, we went out to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. The conversation switched to drugs, naturally. My dad said, "Well, there's a reason I don't order mushrooms on pizza."

That was funny, but I wanted more. What other drugs had they tried? How old were they when they first smoked pot? Did they smoke when we were asleep? I shared my experiences and learned a few doozies about them, but this was the best one of all:

When I was in high school, they thought my brother was a major stoner. So, doing what parents do, they started snooping through his bureau. They found what they thought were pot seeds. You'd think they'd react how you're supposed to, right?

No. My parents decided to put their green thumbs to use and try to harvest their own supply of marijuana in our backyard. Much to their chagrin, weeks later beautiful marigolds popped up instead. My brother had gotten the seeds from an insurance company's promotion and they had probably spilled out in his drawer.

As of two nights ago my dad won't confirm nor deny the story to my brother (who, in high school, was just shy - not a druggie). But, would you really trust anyone who got stoned halfway through his wedding and is featured wearing sunglasses in half the photos?

DC recap

"Hey, just like in Forrest Gump!"

I heard this a few times in Washington, DC whilst visiting my brother last weekend. The first time was on the double-decker tour bus. A father - who insisted on speaking over the trivia announcements - was explaining to his daughter what is the significance of the reflecting pool at the base of the Washington Monument. I also heard a lot of references to the movie when my brother and I were walking from the reflecting pool to the Lincoln Memorial. "Jenny! Jenny!"

Another moment of patriotic ignorance happened when we were driving through embassy row in said bus. We passed nations from Africa, South America, Iraq's embassy which has since been shut down (someone remarked, "Uh, duh, I wonder WHY!?") and Asian embassies. While we were passing South Korea someone in the bus said, in a very thick Southern accent, "That there is CHI-nese." Yikes.

Despite these instances, the trip was really fun. I got to DC later than expected. My brother picked me up and we headed back to Sliver Springs, MD. My brother is subletting a room in a great house in a neighborhood that has lots of Ethiopian restaurants (we ate at one on Saturday night, and it was delicious) and a cute downtown strip.

His roommates were very nice and responded well to the cupcakes I brought for them from Buttercup Bakery. My favorite roommate was Penelope the hound. This dog is the friendliest I've ever met, other than my old puppy Summer. Penelope wags her tail, smiles and needs lots of attention and affection. If your hand stops scratching her back for a few seconds she rests her snout on your thigh and just sighs until you start up again. This pup is the canine equivalent of my neediness in the affection department.

Saturday morning we got up early and headed back into the city and saw SO much: Lincoln Memorial, Vietnam Memorial, The Mall, Georgetown, Smithsonian Air and Space and Natural History (dinos!), White House, The Capitol Building, Washington Monument, Arlington Cemetery, we at lunch at the National Gallery and walked through a Texas/Bhundi festival. Saturday night we got Ethiopian Food went to see Wall-E, which I really, really liked.

It was a really great trip and I love hanging out with my brother. We got very lucky in the family lottery.

Here are some photo highlights:
Mastadon at the Smithsonian Natural History Museum


The National Cathedral where MLK, Jr. gave his last Sunday sermon, and where there is a sculpture of Darth Vader.


The great emanicipator:


Even pirates (or Piratz, according to the name of the restaurant) need a break:


People soaked their feet in fountains all over the city. It was such a hot weekend, my brother and I put our feet in the fountain near the National Gallery and WWII Memorial fountain - my grandfather would be so proud he served to cool his grandkids' feet.

W a-s-h i-n-g t-o-n, baby, D.C.!

I'm off to DC this weekend to see my bearded big brother. He's living down there for a few months to do research for his dissertation.

I've never been to that city before so I'm really excited to walk around in the near 100 degree humidity it has to offer. I'm anticipating some swamp-like conditions, and I don't think brother has air conditioning either. But, he does have two roommates who apparently have a strict "No Shirt" policy enforced in their house.

To get down there I'm taking the Bolt Bus. My brother kept telling me it's such a steal, you can get fares for a dollar! I think he was living in a lands of a freaky, freaky dream. Forty-three dollars later, I will be zooming south in the lap of luxury and free wi-fi.

Our plan is to take a bus tour around the city, and hopefully we'll be able to stop into the Smithsonian or the Spy Museum at some point.

This weekend kicks off a few REALLY busy weeks of travel: July 7, business day trip to Atlanta; July 11-13 weekend business trip to Atlanta; July 15-16 business trip to Chicago; July 30-August 4, home to Los Angeles for a few days and then down to San Diego for good buddy's wedding. Phew.