As The Driven Snow

Last night I found out I'm 85 percent pure.
I went to a book release party with my friend Anne for this title, The Purity Test. Everyone who participated received an answer sheet with spaces to check "yes" or "no" for forty questions.
Every ten questions we answered we were asked to tally our percentage of purity. For questions 1-10: 70 percent pure; questions 11-20: 90 percent; 21-30: 90 percent; 31-40: 90 percent.
What is my reward for "saying no" all those years to snorting cocaine off a stripper's rear end, not having my first kiss until I was 17 years old (seriously) and being the purest girl at the bar?
Hello Kitty stickers and bright pink cocktail napkins with a quote from Grey's Anatomy. Because, after all, "We're adults ... when did that happen? And how do we make it stop?"