I'm on Shag Highway Heading West!

Tomorrow I leave for Texas to spend the deargoddon'tbeterrible holidays with my family. It's the first Christmas that my dad will not be in attendance, so we've decreased our chances of family combustion by a little bit. And, to make sure the holidays start off even more out of the red, I'm going to my friend Sarah's house tonight to watch the best holiday movie: Love Actually. We're also going to eat curries to make us feel more British, too. Merry Christmas!

Relationship Question

Is it too early to tell a man you love him after just meeting, but being able to carry on a conversation strictly about peanut butter for about 5 minutes?

Subway Boyfriend

Guess who I saw again this morning? That's right, Subway Boyfriend. And, his facial hair has once again reminded me of the month we're in: Moustache May - the most wonderful time of year. I didn't meet my goal of talking to him by the close of 2008, but maybe this is my year ... OUR year.

Is Chivalry Dead?

The idea of chivalry stems from the Medieval Times. History (and a two-page Where's Waldo? spread I remember) tells us that prior to chivalry becoming widespread, manners were secondary, barbarians roamed the streets of London and women were treated less than kindly. After the savage time passed, men were to treat a woman with kindness and regard - up on a pedestal, without looking up her skirt.
I've heard since I was young that "chivalry is dead", but I refuse to believe this. After talking to a few friends, it’s clearer that it may not be dead, but it’s certainly on life support - it's a muscle that needs to be exercised.
One of my best friends said chivalry is definitely a tool for men to use in the ways of wooing a lady, but it's not without its rewards. Unfortunately, she says, and especially in larger cities, men think they can get the next hottie down the line without trying, "little do they know, with that behavior, they’ll also get herpes".
Another friend of mine agrees with the sentiment that chivalry tends to be exercised on a reward basis - it "communicates intentions". He says, "At the end of the day, you have a bunch of guys with drying flowers and good intentions asking themselves if it was worth it. Moreover, they’re watching the drunk guy with unwashed hair taking someone else home." Those feelings aside, he says he opens doors and acts chivalrous to every woman, no matter if they have boyfriends or not. He even humors me when we eat together and I ask him to order for me saying, "The lady will have ... "
Until recently, I’d never been on a real-life date. I’d always jumped from relationship to relationship, which promotes an instant comfort-level with me and my then-boyfriend. Without courting, there aren't many opportunities to open car doors, pay for meals or show up with flowers. And, my favorite rule of chivalry, placing your coat upon a puddle so my petticoat doesn't get damp, was difficult to execute as I came of age in Southern California.
But, even when I was in relationships you may be thinking that chivalry could have still existed. My first boyfriend was and is incredibly sweet. I was insistent that I didn't want a boyfriend in high school, so we got together a week after I graduated. He was a gentleman, affectionate and clear with his feelings. In fact, he even lit my pipe for me when I tried pot for the first time. He’s still one of my best friends, and I truly cherish our time together. I was off to a great start.
My second boyfriend, during freshman year of college, had never had a girlfriend, had never kissed a girl and had never gone on a date. Boy, oh boy. It’s too soon to talk about.
My third (and later, sequentially fifth and sixth) boyfriend actually thought holding a door open for a girl meant the man goes first and then holds it open behind him so it doesn't slam in the girl’s face.
Then, my fourth boyfriend also had something in common with two of the others: they came from a family with no sisters. I truly feel that if you come from a family with sisters, you’re automatically going to be kinder to women. I’m sure there are exceptions to this rule, but not in my relationship experience - so who cares if I’m wrong if it doesn't affect me, right?
My sister and I have had this conversation before as we think our brother is the sweetest boyfriend around (some may find this creepy that I’d say this, but I did give my brother mono after all, so there’s that)
For example, one of his high school girlfriends was a waitress, and we went to breakfast together at her restaurant and he left her a nice tip and flowers; he gave another girlfriend a subscription to US Weekly - the quickest way to a woman’s heart.
Another part of the family tree that should be held responsible is parents. My paternal grandfather and grandmother met a dance when they both worked at Pratt & Whitney on the night shift. My grandmother, an absolutely beautiful woman (pictured below), clearly had to be courted and wooed because her dance card was full. My grandfather, a high school basketball stud, worked hard to make her fall in love with him and on leave from World War II they were married and had my aunt and father years later.
My dad came of age during the feminist movement, which is sometimes blamed for the death of chivalry (bullshit). For my grandfather, chivalry was expected, like having to number 2 after eating Taco Bell. While for my father it may have been something he should have been taught.
My parents haven’t always been devoid of romance. I remember times when they would cook dinner together - just the two of them - and candles were mandatory (also mandatory: “For the Longest Time” HAD to be on the stereo. God, they love that song).
If I have sons, I’ll definitely make it a point to have them act with chivalry. Even if I have a daughter, I’ll teach her the same. I don’t think chivalry is dead, but I do think it’s morphed into a universal value: be polite and kind to people. Personally, I am a feminist striving for equality. I think every woman and man deserves to feel special and taken care of every once and awhile. I think it’s important for women to take men out on dates, too. It’s not just saved for Sadie Hawkins dances.
For years I've passed the door test, not just with men, but with women too. I was chivalrous towards my ex-boyfriends, towards my friends and my family. With today’s standards, treating people how you would like to be treated seems like the way to go - but for christsakes, somebody please put their coat on a puddle for me someday. Oh yeah, and buy me stuff. And, tell me I'm pretty. And that I smell good. And open my doors - the right way.

Crush Out of Context

Ever since I moved into my new neighborhood in May, I've seen this guy I've developed a major crush on. Sometimes we ride the train together (the best mornings!), I pretend to read, but I'm so busy staring at him. We get on the train at the same stop and exit at the same stop, we're clearly made for each other.
He's got a sense of humor (he participated in Moustache May, which was step 1 in making me fall in love with him), he's smart (he usually reads The New Yorker), he loves music (he's never without his iPod), he is a snazzy dresser (he was wearing a suit with a VEST underneath it once) and he's handsome (in an off-beat way). Actually, he's a hotter version of Dave Foley.
I know this sounds very Fatal Attraction, but I also know I'm not alone in falling in love on the subway.
I should probably just say something to him, but I'm afraid he's going to open his mouth and ruin the crush. Or, what if he has a secret "subway girlfriend" crush on ME and I ruin his crush by saying something stupid. I told a friend of mine that it was my goal that by the close of 2008, I'd at least smile at him.
Well, last night could have been my big chance. I saw subway boyfriend at the grocery store at the end of my street. It was so out of context that I panicked: it wasn't morning, I looked terrible, we weren't on the subway platform, I wasn't wearing my iPod. He looked right at me and smiled, and what do I do? Run down the cereal aisle.
I picked up what I needed and saw him in line for the check-out. I should have stood behind him in the queue. Instead, I went to another check-out and quickly paid so I could see which direction he lived. I was too late. Gone ...
... until of course, I see him again this morning, with his New Yorker, in a suit (on casual Friday!), listening to his iPod. I ask again: Why am I single??

Happy Birthday Mama Bear!

Today is my mom's 54th birthday. She's had a rough few years, but I hope everything gets better for her. Moms are a special kind of frustrating sometimes, but here a few reasons why my mom is incredible:

- She never holds back on telling me how she feels, which I've realized is incredibly rare
- Every time I go home for a visit, I can count on her to squeal with glee and give one of the best hugs I've ever gotten
- If I need someone to get excited with or for me, I can always count on her
- She always tells me I'm pretty, even though she HAS to, I get the feeling she wants to
- We moved seven times when I was a kid, and ever the nerd-breeder, one of our first stops would be the library to get cards in our new zip code
- When I was living in Los Angeles two years ago, she covered the bathroom mirror with words of encouragement for my first day of work
- She still talks to me even though I was an awful, moody teen
- When I was in college she used to send care packages to all of my roommates and me "just because"
- She bought me The Newlyweds DVDs for Christmas one year and gave them to me in a brown paper bag because she knew I was embarrassed over my love for Nick Lachey
- I know she's had an incredibly difficult life, but most of the time you wouldn't know it
-To this day when I say "I'm just tired" she knows there's more to it and won't give up until I spill the beans
- She tried to grow pot in our backyard

And even though she doesn't read this, I wanted all four of you who do to know why I love my mama.

I think I'm in love

Last week, I sent a big box of books to my friends and the most adorable baby alive in California. Said baby, Eleanor, and I are both big fans of Ian Falconer's Olivia character, so I had to hook a fellow fan up.

I came home from work last night to a giant package outside my door. My friends bought me eight pairs of underpants from Victoria's Secret as a thank you. It was one of the most thoughtful gifts I've ever received. Because of them, I can stay alive and well for eight more days than before.

Check out my new knickers:

What I learned in Cincinnati

I flew home last week for a wedding and had a brief stopover in Cincinnati.

On the short flight from LaGuardia to Ohio, I sat next to a very friendly actor from New York who used to be in the Blue Man Group. We talked about all sorts of things: Sigur Ros, Dr. Wayne Dyer and our parents' and grandparents' relationship when it came to war.

I told him that my grandfather gave my dad a hard time for not enlisting during the Vietnam War and how he thought my dad would miss out on a great deal of camaraderie. Of course our conversation shifted to the current conflict, and if we knew anyone over there, etc. I said I felt so far removed from the war and didn't understand how it affects families whatsoever. That was, until I had a few hours before my connecting flight to Los Angeles.

I was sitting in the terminal - people-watching - as a gate was emptying. I noticed a few families with balloons and signs waiting at the gate exit, which was bizarre to see because that's not generally allowed. As passengers were filing into the terminal, they weren't rushing to their next gate or the baggage claim. They were gathering around the families with the balloons and signs to wait with them. People walking by stopped to watch, and the whole terminal was captivated by who was coming off the plane.

Then, a woman who was milling around the gate screamed at the top of her lungs, "Bobby!" She ran toward a man in an Army uniform and jumped on him, wrapping her legs around him. She couldn't stop screaming and crying, and soon tears were streaming down my face as well. I looked around self-consciously, but it didn't matter because EVERYONE was crying. The terminal erupted in applause, which made me sob more.

Later, another soldier exited to more applause. And then another.

While I still can't fully comprehend what it's like to send a child, husband or brother off to war (whether you agree with it or not); I'm glad I got to witness what it's like to see them come home.

Progress

I can finally watch Love Actually without crying because I'm sad, but rather because I'm happy.